Evocative! And some great imagery. But I'm wondering if you're jumping around a bit too much. You have a number of different openings -- four, I counted (sorry!) -- and then proceed to a series of flashbacks. Why not open on a scene of action, the discovery of the journal? Then proceed to tell us THAT story in a solid chunk, let us engage.
As a general rule, action = interesting, exposition = boring. So I always use action to "buy time" in order to give exposition. This is a complicated one because you're telling two stories, but the same rules apply. Give us consistent steady ACTION to engage us with both stories (the two inciting events, both fleshed out) -- basically chapters one and two -- then you can give us the necessary exposition with subsequent chunks -- chapters three and four.
Haha, Iām wondering the same! The opening has been one of the trickiest parts to land. The balance between the different frames/layers and the forward momentum of the action is still something Iām dialing in. This draft is definitely a step forward from the last pass I workshopped, but feedback on the opening has been pretty polarized so far, which is both exciting and maddening in equal measure. š Really appreciate you reading so closely!
Evocative! And some great imagery. But I'm wondering if you're jumping around a bit too much. You have a number of different openings -- four, I counted (sorry!) -- and then proceed to a series of flashbacks. Why not open on a scene of action, the discovery of the journal? Then proceed to tell us THAT story in a solid chunk, let us engage.
As a general rule, action = interesting, exposition = boring. So I always use action to "buy time" in order to give exposition. This is a complicated one because you're telling two stories, but the same rules apply. Give us consistent steady ACTION to engage us with both stories (the two inciting events, both fleshed out) -- basically chapters one and two -- then you can give us the necessary exposition with subsequent chunks -- chapters three and four.
Haha, Iām wondering the same! The opening has been one of the trickiest parts to land. The balance between the different frames/layers and the forward momentum of the action is still something Iām dialing in. This draft is definitely a step forward from the last pass I workshopped, but feedback on the opening has been pretty polarized so far, which is both exciting and maddening in equal measure. š Really appreciate you reading so closely!
It's always a process! LOL
āWriting is Rewriting is Rewriting isā¦ā šš